I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
