I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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