I think I won the penis lottery.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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