We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
