shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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