Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
