i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
