I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
