i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
