Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
