I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
