I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
