Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
