just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
