so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
