When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
