His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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