How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
