my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
