I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
In America we eat man semen.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
