Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i drank out of a bidet.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
