Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
