I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
