I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
