So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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