Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
