God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
