This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I want is dick and wine.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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