Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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