sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Pooping to opera.
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