What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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