Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
