there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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