Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
