my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We have so much sex to catch up on
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
