I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
