I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
