i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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