3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
