in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
