Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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