I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
