If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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