i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
