The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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