Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
