fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
