it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
