She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
