I think my vagina is haunted
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
