Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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