It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
