Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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